Sunday, December 2, 2012

The End of Year 11

It's almost the end of year 11, there's one more week left of school. It scares me how short the year feels like, and the fact that sooner than I know, I will be doing my Year 12 IB exams. I don't know how that's gonna go, especially after a torrid examination period I endured the 2 previous weeks.

I sort of wish I updated this more. I have so many things I would love to share, so many memories I wish to write down and retain forever. Unfortunately, time has not been on my side (or maybe my usage of time is just so terrible) and before I knew it, it's time for me to once again pack up all my books and clothes, and enjoy a 2 month holiday before returning to School.

What comes to my mind at the time of writing is how life never turns out to be what you envisioned it to be. Be it a long-term goal or vision that you had for yourself, or a thing you said in passing to one of your mates, or even just a week-long goal you set out to accomplish. Life's just not as straightforward as it seems.

And that scares me. You always want what you don't have, and no one has everything. It seems to me that we take the things we have for granted, and are always desiring - in most cases - the opposite of what we have.

I dreamt about my future 2-3 years ago, and I can safely say it's nothing like it. In fact, it's so different. And right now I dream about my next 2-5 years of my life. I envision myself achieving goals, living life. And I can bet that it'll be nothing like my dreams. Yet I still dream.

I was never good at sport or music. mostly an academic for the many school years of my life, even now. But I long to be good at sports, I long to be good at music, I long to be good at something other than academics - the one thing I am good at and that I take for granted and that many wish to be good at.

The thing is, I know academics is important. Most of my future is based on my results from these years of my life, and what I have learnt. Yet, it seems so unimportant to me at this moment, where at school, academics in someway can be of equal importance of sport or the arts. And I just wish, once in my life, I could be branded something else other than an academic.

I'm on my way there hopefully. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone and am actively pursuing my dreams in both music and sports. I'm not talented, but I try and hope for some sort of chance to do well. I just want to explore parts of life that I probably will never ever have the chance to explore again. And it makes me feel contented that I can experience and enjoy these parts of life.

Anyway, I'll stop here for the time being. Got a bit of a headache so I might take a rest.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Another month has passed..

Time flies so quick; in a blink of an eye I am now nearing the end of my third term of Year 11. In no time I will be finishing IB, going through national service. In no time I will be at university, getting my first proper job. Ah how fast time flies..

Life is truly amazing. I'll tell you that. I've been wanting to post something on this blog for ages but I keep pushing it back and eventually forgetting what I actually wanted to talk about. (I guess it's not really talking hey) Anyway, here I am, on a lonely friday evening, writing a post for my blog with no topic in mind.  

C'est la vie!

I just realised you have to put so much into chasing your dreams to even stand a chance of reaching these dreams of yours. I don't know if I will make it, but I hope that I will never lose the motivation to keep pushing on in the darkest hour. I don't want to give up on my dreams. I want to know at the end of the day that if I failed to attain my dreams, it was not because I gave up. (:

I'm gonna stop here. Maybe next time (:

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

a month has passed

Wow it has been a long time hasn't it.

Anyway I'm back in school now and the first two weeks have been so busy. So much work pushed to me at once... and now, I'm bored stiff... Isn't that great... School's been alright so far, life has gone back to normal. As usual, i'm looking forward to the holidays. I dunno, school seems to meaningless, cause when it's time to get your first proper job people only care about your degree, and when you start getting promoted or headhunted and stuff its no longer about your degree but more about what you have accomplished, your talents... Sure, it's a great place to be and you spend time with tons of people you might never have, but yet why study so hard, if the impact on your life is not even going to be that great? I'm just not so sure anymore...

Anyway, in school when you use iTunes you can connect to other people's library and you can listen to their songs as long as they are connected to the school network and they enable sharing, which is sick, because I forgot to download a lot of songs this past holiday.. Tons of libraries here are full of dubstep and house music and stuff, but there's this one awesome library I found that has basically every artist I'm looking for and like artists I only know of. And also some artists that I don't know but sound great!! So glad I found this library, now I'm just left wondering whose library it actually is.... heheh...

anyway, that's it for now. Hopefully I will post again soon :p

Thursday, June 28, 2012

the holidays :D

it's the holidays now, and i'm bored shitless because most of my friends are having exams now... so anyway today I went out shopping for some stuff, and on the way back I waited at the taxi stand, which was really really long.... As I waited, I somehow ended up observing the people queuing in the taxi stand. Here comes the interesting bit...

It was a really long wait for me, and I was near to the front of the taxi queue. many people were waiting in line, but many more were just booking taxis and 5-6 taxis would come in all with "on call" before 1 available taxi came in, so it was a really really long wait. What I came to notice was that everyone got really frustrated waiting outside in a hot, stuffy crowded atmosphere. Those that came in groups were chatting away, but every now and there would be moments of awkward silence, those alone waited in silence, listening to music, checking some stuff on their iPhones, every now and then people would look around and wonder when the **** the cabs were gonna come. There was a small group of people though, that really took great use of the waiting time, and unsurprisingly, it was the children. These buggers would climb between the metal barriers, play with their toys, explore their surroundings and ask their parents questions whilst waiting. And I tell you, they were having a blast. And yet, no one seemed to notice it. Parents were uninterested in mostly what their kids had to say and stuff. A mum got mad when her child dropped his toy truck(which he was "driving" on the metal poles). And all the strangers would occasionally stare at these children with blank faces. As I paid more attention to the children, I couldn't help but smile as they were learning new things/reaffirming things in this frustrating atmosphere - the time was 9.30+ but they weren't even slightly tired, rather excited to be experiencing life as it is.

I guess that brings me to the crux of the story. Children are the essence of innocence. They are so pure. And I believe it would do us no harm if we were to be more like children, and keep learning in new ways as much as we can, to utilize each situation we are in the best possible way, even if it means running around, screaming, laughing like a little child. Or even playing with a toy truck. Sure, we aren't all that innocent anymore, but there is still innocence in you. We are born pure, good. If you dig deep enough, you are sure to find that purity once again. And embrace your inner child! Cause if you lock it away, how are you meant to mature? The inner child would never grow up. Let nature take its course, trying to stop a raging flood is impossible, but directing it can be achieved.

I don't know. I just felt that it was something I needed to write about after today's experiences. It's pretty late now so I think I will just go to bed. nighttt! (:

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

first world problems

haha man a blog is hard to keep up. thought I would have time during the exam weeks but I guess you can never be so sure. it's almost been a month since my last post, and here I am, after my exams, with most of my results back, with the holidays looming ahead. So i guess it's time for a quick update.

Exams went fairly well. Except for a 28% on the HL math test, everything else was a pretty good result - topped the class in both geography and economics, which makes me feel good. Did really well in chem but some people just blitzed the test and got like 90+%, which completely freaks me out. Haven't got english back but am pretty keen on finding out my result - won't know it till friday. TOK was pretty good, almost perfect score on the 2nd essay and fairly average on the first one. Chinese was chinese. So that's that.

Kinda looking forward to the holidays in some ways. Not cool that my friends have exams starting on the 25th, but hopefully their exams end before I leave so we can meet up (: wish my holidays would just be the same time as theirs.. cause that would be very awesomeeee. Good that I get some time to chill and rest - sick of the cold weather already and really need some good ol' downtime... really need that.

Just finished watching all the Community episodes i have, (up to season 3, episode 15 or something around there). Such a good tv series. Anyway I've reached enlightenment on several issues watching this series, and it sure took me awhile to learn one lesson, but hopefully I have fully learnt it.. it's like a load off my chest (:

until next time :D

Thursday, May 17, 2012

words of a birthday boy

It's been a very long time. But due to it being my birthday, I felt it was only right for me to post.

Happy birthday to me :p

Interims are out, and they're pretty good, slight improvement from term 1, just C+ for Math HL, which was expected... heh. Anyway I decided that I needed to share my current feelings. I am glad that many people wished me happy birthday, but yet embarrassed/awkward as I am made the center of attention due to it being my birthday. It's one special feeling, but honestly, you shouldn't just treat someone nice because it's their birthday.. From young my dad told me that birthdays are just another day, and everyday could be your birthday. I didn't get it at first, but now I realise where he is coming from. Sure, the special attention may be great, some may enjoy it more than others, but why do we wait for it to be a special occasion for us to treat someone nicer? If everyday was everyone's birthday, then everyone would be treated nicely, and everyone would treat others nicely.

On another note, it was just a normal birthday, nothing really special - but a slight upgrade from last year's. No gifts, but it doesn't bother me. I never believed myself to be a materialistic person, and gifts are meant to be a token of love from friends/family - it doesn't really matter what is given, for it truly is the thought that counts (in my opinion, of course). Am looking forward to exeat, hopefully it will be a blast!

Sometimes I really wonder what I'm still doing here in Australia, and why I'm not back in Singapore. Then, I think about the sacrifices my family made to put me here, and how it is impossible for me to go back to acsi, and I think that there is too great an emphasis on us getting the best academic grades possible. Sure, it is important to get the best education, and to get that best education sometimes we have to get excellent grades. But isn't school meant to be a place where you can explore, experiment, and do things that you have not done before and may never be able to do in the future.

i'll try to post more often - i should have more free time during the exam weeks, until then!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

been awhile...

It's been awhile since my last posts, but through the hectic last week of school and the fast-paced holidays, I guess I just couldn't find the time to post on my blog.

Today was one of those days that just get you down. Still slightly disappointed that I wasn't able to make the 3rds (or even 4ths) for Soccer so far... I know that going for the 3rds is kind of a huge stretch but I was quite confident I would be able to make it into the 4ths. But it's alright. It's only the second week of the season and there's always the possibility of me moving up.

Enough of that. Although disappointing, it made me realise 2 major things. Firstly, it reminded me of Harvard Lecturer Tal Ben-Shahar's speech last term, where he implied that it was through failure that we find success. This thought ran through my head as I walked back from the field to my boarding house, and though I've always agreed with his statement, I saw it in a different light for once, and it was like a way to spur myself on despite facing setbacks, because I believed that one day, as long as I put in enough effort, I will succeed. Sure, it might take me years, or hours of training, or whatever... but at least I will be closer than I would have ever been had I given up in the first place. Tal Ben-Shahar was able to inspire me in one of my most self-humiliating disappointments, and now it has re-focused me. I will now strive towards reaching my dreams, or as the saying goes, die trying. To not live life to your fullest potential is to not live at all. My goal at this point of time is to get into Harvard, Stanford, Yale, or some university of the same calibre. It may not be a smooth, easy way out but it will be worth it.

Secondly, I reached the realisation through soccer and other events that took place today that the world we live in is all about ME. Everyone loves a good team player, but you can't make it as big unless you put yourself first. That doesn't mean you don't give a care about anyone else. It just means you've got to place you and your ambitions ahead of everything else. Even the greatest foes on the sports field can be the best friends off it. It's just at that moment, all that counts is the game, not the friendship. Since everyone else is already doing this, I might as well jump on the bandwagon. There's only another option left, and that's to be left behind. But I can't afford that.

I wish I was born rich. Like multi-millionaire rich. As kids we were taught to do what we love, and to enjoy life to the fullest. Yet how can we do so when we struggle to get the best education, get the best grade, go to the best universities, be the best so that our future will be 'brighter', get the best job so that we can live the life we want (which is pretty ironic, but let's leave that for another time), provide the best for our children. I guess that's something I will have to find out myself.

It hasn't been the best day, and that may be why my post has such a dark overtone, but as my friend says, "there's always bad days."